Just an Angry Monkey exporting education.

Not the last post, but it is a bit sad...

So far, I have observed several major US exports to Qatar:

Dunkin' Donuts
Krispy Kreme
KFC
Pizza (every major US chain, I won't list them)
Chili's (which I still, actually, really want to visit)

And...

"That's what she said."

Which, I will say, is exponentially funnier when said with an Arabic accent.  Case in point:

"What can we determine about this rectangle from the wording of the question?"
"Miss, how wide and how large it is!"
"Miss, THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!"

Which is weird because... I don't think the Office is in syndication here.  Also, something seems to have been lost in translation...

"Guys, what question are we on?"
"Miss, number 14."
"Miss, THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!"

What??  No!  And how do you even correct that????  "Sorry, Mohammed, your double entendres are incorrect.  Work on your innuendos."

Side note:  On the second day of class, I was talking to a kid and his name just totally escaped me.  When I confessed I couldn't remember he said (and this is a direct quote) "it's okay, Miss, just guess Mohammed. It's usually right."

You know how when you see a billboard or magazine ad for a credit card, there's always a fake name on it?

United States:  John Smith (occasionally, John Doe)

Qatar:  R Abdul Aziz

( Look, I've been BUSY, okay. )

...you're so over living in a foreign country, you're under it.  Wednesday we hit a wall, so Melanie and I decided we needed therapy.



AND... they deliver.

From Waqas, on our desert safari:

"I've eaten so much sand, I'm pretty sure I'm going to crap cement for a week..."


Longer story coming.  Short story:  we are well exfoliated and rather tired.

I usually never post things from YouTube, but both of these videos are relevant. A foreign aid worker on my flight here told me that Qatar is a country that went from the bronze age to the internet age in about 35 years. There was, literally, nothing here in 1980. The oldest building? The Sheraton Doha, built on the waterfront in 1982 for the OPEC summit (looks like a Star Destroyer, doesn't it?) When you go up to the pool and patio on our building's roof and look around, 95% of what you see wasn't here five years ago. 99% of it wasn't here in 2000.

Here, EVERYTHING is under construction. Always. ALWAYS. This, coupled with the Qatari's love affair with the roundabout and the fact that not a SINGLE road here is actually laid out in a grid yields results like this:


That intersection is about 3 blocks from our building. It is a scenario played out endlessly all over the Bin Mahmoud neighborhood. This is why we make Waqas do the driving.

The poster must be employed by Education City because this? This is our daily commute.

Note the orange barriers. Apparently, when that area is finished it will be an 8 lane fly-over elevated highway. Right now it is a wonderland of orange and white.

Another thing: There are lots of Land Cruisers, lots of Mitsubishi and Nissan Sedans, and the occasional Toyota truck. And that seems to be it. All of which are white/silver/taupe. Which means that at any given light, there are probably 20 cars, but each car is one of about 5 models. Who's played Grand Theft Auto? Where there are only so many models of cars so you'll pull on to a street in Liberty City and you're surrounded by Purple Burritos? Yeah, it's like that. I was stopped at light last week and was surrounded by 5 Land Cruisers, all the same color, all the same paint detailing. I resisted the urge to carjack anybody, though.

One of the hardest things to get used to here in Qatar (and most Muslim countries) is that the work week is... off. Friday is the holy day in Islam so the weekend is Friday and Saturday and you go BACK to work on Sunday. So the days of the week are Basically Monday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Practically Friday, Friday, and Saturday. This leads to a bizarre temporal disorientation that, in turn, leads to expat conversations like:

"I'll do that when I get back to the office on Monday."
"You mean Sunday."
"That's what I meant. What did I say?"
"Monday."
"Well, I MEANT Sunday. Since Monday is actually our 'Tuesday.' Wait, what's today?"
"Thursday."
"Sweet! TGI what amounts to Friday!"

So, yes, I have TONS more pictures to upload, but I've been pressed for time these days. Sorry! It's been a haze of teaching and schwarma. I have a whole thing to post about the food but I really wanted to talk about my kids.

The awesomest part of this job is my students. It's so BIZARRE, I spent the first few days seeing the guys in their thobes and ghutras and the girls in their abayas and headscarves (and sometimes full face veils... eyes only) and it all seemed so FOREIGN and weird and OMG THERE'S ANOTHER ONE ::stare stupidly as yet another woman in all black floats by::. I gawked like a bastard for 48 solid hours. It was like Lawrence of Arabia, but with Land Cruisers. It's amazing, though, how fast it's all become common. My students are so much like the kids I had back in the states. After being warned over and over that the Qatari girls were shy and retiring... yeah, not so much. Behind all that black fabric they are so funny and vivacious and they want to talk about anything: clothes, TV, movies, music (oh MJ, while we mourn your passing, your death bridged a lot of cultural gaps for us. Good job, dude.) They're smart and snarky and it's such a funny disconnect to see that when they walk, there's jeans and Chuck Taylors under there.

The Qatari boys are more shy, probably because they aren't as sure of their English skills. This is in stark contrast to the girls from the sister Qatari school (one of whom, I swear to GOD, sounds like she's from Ohio, her English is that good.) The funniest part is how conscious the boys are of how they look. Where American GIRLS would flip their hair, the Qatari BOYS flip their ghutras (aka the keffiyeh... google that, it's hard to describe.) And there's all these things that make a statement: do you wear your ghutra hanging in front of your shoulders or behind? White or red and white? Folded back across your head so that it looks almost like a cowboy hat in the front or piled on top in a casual turban? Igal (that's the black band that holds it on) low and forward on the head, back, or forward and off to one side at a rakish angle?

Decisions, decisions.

The Qatari kids only actually account for maybe half my class. The rest are from all over: Other countries, the American School in Doha, the French school (where there seems to be a large Lebanese group), and the (get this, fellow Texans)Michael Debakey High School for Medical Sciences. That totally blew my mind. There are more, and the classroom is a diverse collection of traditional Arab style dress and Western, with a couple of girls in jeans and just headscarves for good measure. Oh, and an Malaysian-born kid who grew up in Houston as an infant who is about as Americanized as you can get. What I'm saying is I teach at United Colors of Benetton U.

Anyway, it's only been 3 days, but they're already starting to come out of their shells and it really is shocking how fast the class as whole has built a rapport with each other and with me. Best source of their amusement: my perfectly FUCKING WRETCHED Arabic. Good to know we've found something they can all agree on...

So, two... meetings, more meetings. Oh, bus tour! Pictures! Campus


( Education City and Doha... by bus. )

Whoo.  Okay.  So I'm here after a smorgasbord of flights.
( Leg 1: Indy to Dulles )

Seriously, how the hell do you pack for 5 weeks??  Especially five weeks of having to look like a professional grown up type person in charge of an actual class?  In a Muslim country?  Where it's 110 degrees everyday and shorts are "discouraged?"  Thank god the luggage allowances on these flights are generous.  Also, I've noticed that all my professional clothes have picked this last washing to lose buttons, drop hems, etc, so, like a Dickensian ladies maid, I have a lot of "mending" to do before I go... 

Speaking of flights, biz class on Virgin Atlantic and Qatar Air?  YES, PLEASE.  From what I understand, there's in-flight WIFI, which means you should be expecting updates here IN FLIGHT.  I love living in the future.  I will be the yokel taking pictures of the Upper Class flight "pods" and posting them with captions like "OMGWTFBBQ FREE DRINKS AND A FEATHER DUVET WHAT??" while the seasoned passengers all snicker and call me a dirty American.

You can't take me anywhere...

This is, at some point after June 22nd, going to be the travel journal of my experiences teaching abroad in Qatar.  This journal will most likely have far fewer drinking stories than my other journal and far more evidence of why I should have ready access to beer at all times.  You have been warned.